Oh, You Know, Love and Crap

So I figured in honor of Valentines Day I would listen to nothing but but love songs all day, so I made a big playlist of love songs, which was easy cos thats mostly what I have anyway. Good idea, right? Wrong. Cos all it did was make me lovesick as fucking hell. I start going down the list of girls I know, and suddenly I'm in love with them all. God damn it, it sucks. You know, a lot of people who don't have someone on Valentine's Day like to say it's a made-up holiday, invented by greeting card people, and that love sucks and all that jazz, but I really think there's something in it. Maybe I'm just and old softy. No, scratch that, I am an old softy.I've always wanted to get a girl a heart-shaped box of chocolates or slip her a little candy heart that says "Be Mine" on it. I'm just a way-too romantic guy. I dream of a night of candlelit dinner and dancing cheek to cheek to some Benny Goodman or, even better, Frank Sinatra. I'm just an old-fashioned romantic. Sorry. By the way, if any girls happen to read this, and are interested in what they've just read, my contact info is right there to the left. Oh, who am I kidding, no one reads this crap.

That may have sounded mopey and emo. Sorry. I'm actually in a good mood, but it's late. Oh, and yes, you may notice an ad on the right over there. Please forgive me, but I don't have a job. I don't expect to make anything from it, but you never know.

M. "Awesome" at 5:25 AM

When is it appropriate to stop referring to a child's age in months? I just read something that mentioned a kid who is 22 months old. As far as I'm concerned, that kid's one. Actually, I'd say he's almost two. But what do I know? I'm only 221 months old.

M. "Awesome" at 12:40 AM


An Imaginary Conversation

Sometimes I think I'm going to have human interactions with, you know, people, but it doesn't happen. But I still plan out what I'm gonna say beforehand.
Today I was taking my laundry out of the dryer and some guy was taking his stuff out of the washing machine, and he was waiting for me to get my stuff out.
"Hey, do you think you could hurry it up a bit?"
"Sorry, but I kinda gotta fold these now. If you don't fold 'em right away, they get all wrinkly. But I'm going pretty fast. Look, I'm not even folding my socks up, I'm just putting 'em aside to do later, so I can get this done faster, for you."
Then I finished and I started taking my load out of the other dryer. Only half of my stuff got dry; for some reason in the other dryer I ended up with very warm wet clothes. I don't think any tumbling went on in that dryer, I think it kinda just let all my laundry stew. It wasn't pleasant. All my clothes are gonna mildew or something. I had a lot of laundry, because I don't do laundry very often. I think this was the second time I've used the machines here. I really started running out of clothes. It was almost embarassing because a few days ago I was bored and turned this fray in my jeans into a giant tear and so there's a huge rip in one pair of my jeans. And I haven't changed jeans since then. Usually I hope people can't really tell when I wear the same pants for like a week, but this time it had to be really obvious because of the giant rip in the leg. But at least I finally got a rip in my jeans in a place that's cool. Most of the time they rip right near the fly , and my Mom has to sew them up because it's embarrassing 'cos you can see my undies. And if I wasn't wearing undies it would be way more embarassing, but I wear undies. Um, that's it. G'bye!

M. "Awesome" at 3:29 PM



Guess what! My ass really hurts. I needed to share this with you because, as a Blogger, it is my responsibility to you, as a BlogReader, to tell you only the most interesting tidbits of the mundane shit that goes on in my life. I should tell you, so that you don't think I've been leading some bizarre secret sex life, that the reason my ass really hurts, is that I've been sitting in my leather chair on my bare ass. Crap, that doesn't really help my case, does it? Okay, the reason I was sitting on my bare ass in my leather chair is because it's really fucking hot in my room. and when it's really fucking hot in here, my pants get sweaty. Logical enough. So I take them off. Also logical enough, until you've sat in that chair for an hour or two and suddenly feel the need to get up. Then it turns into a big, big mistake. Now my ass really hurts, and you really needed to know this.

I also went to go see Slava's SnowShow. I'm not going to elaborate any more than that, for fear that the images seared into my head and which now, with great effort on my part, reside in the dark recesses of my brain where I am never to find them again, will surface once again to terrorize my imagination with visions of green and yellow clowns, giant balloons, and copious amounts of paper snow. I've already said too much.

Well the big move, which was supposed to happen today, has now been pushed back to Friday. I know you don't care, but isn't that what blogging is all about? Telling other imaginary people about stuff that even their imaginary minds don't want to hear? I think so.

If you like music, seek out "Speedy Motorcycle" by Yo La Tengo, specifically the version which features a phoned-in (literally) vocal from Daniel Johnston. If you don't know either of those people, don't bother. Instead, download as much of their individual stuff as possible, then listen to "Speedy Motorcycle" Or don't. I don't really give a flying rats ass fuck shit ass cock twig monkey bawling soccer kicking fleet of ass raping dickheads.


M. "Awesome" at 3:18 AM


Jeremy: An Introduction

I thought since I might be posting more regularly now, I'd reacquaint myself with my readers.

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I'm Mike, and this is my weblog, or "blog" to all you web-savvy hipsters out there.

I come from a great town called Emerson, New Jersey.
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It's a lot of fun.

Let me introduce you to some of my friends:

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This is James. He's not really cross-eyed, even though it looks that way.

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This is Adam. He's pretty funny.

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This is John. His nose is a little bigger in person.

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This is the other John. I have nothing else to say about him.

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This is Nicole. This whole idea was much more fun before I had to think of captions.

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This is Tarek and Jeff, respectively. They are cartoon characters.

I am also in a band. We don't have a name yet, but here's the lineup:

Me (rhythm guitar, occasional lead vocals)
James (bass)
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Justin (lead vocals, less-refined guitar)
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Ciaran (lead guitar, total metal shredding)
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Kenny (drums) Kenny was a bit angry when that photo was taken.

I am also going to college soon. Here are some of the cool people I've met at college so far:

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This is Paige. We call her the Paigemaster. I realize that this picture is a very bad pun.

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This is Charles. We'll be forming a band soon, too.

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This is Reb. I couldn't think of a funny picture for her. Sorry.

I enjoy posting on my "blog" a great deal, and hope that you will be a loyal reader for a very long time. Well, seeya!

M. "Awesome" at 10:08 PM


Mother / There is no other / Like Mother / So treat Her right

I have to come out of retirement for a little bit for one reason and one reason only. This is one of the greatest things I have ever seen. Why this has been so sorely overlooked until now is one of the mysteries of the universe that the scholars, the astronomers, and the freethinkers of this and future generations will be pondering in befuddlement for millenia to come. [link via All Things Christie.]

Further updates might be forthcoming, or they might not. Get used to it, you nazi fascist pinko asshole pig.

M. "Awesome" at 10:34 PM


Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday Dear Jeremy, Happy Birthday to You!

Well, it's official. This blog turns one today. Hooray. Hurrah. Let loose the doves and flaming dogs of justice or something. Well, actually, my first post didn't appear until 12:00 AM July 5, and it didn't appear on this website either (Hapscroft Trivia!: I originally started this blog on Geocities, but I realized how hard that was, which was when I heard about blogger.) but oh well. I was goaded into this by telling people it was the one year anniversary of my blog and having them tell me I should update it, mostly because that's what they think I want to hear. Which is true. I wanted an excuse to blog, but the truth is I just can't think of anything to say. I was gonna do this whole big thing about all the great compliments and encouragement I got about the blog, but I just don't feel like fabricating that much. Maybe I'll write in the future, but, if you haven't already guessed, Jeremy Hapscroft Has a Pony is on hold indefinitely. Good luck and Rod Bless.

M. "Awesome" at 8:35 PM

The Best Shit In the World


Sunset Blvd.


The Dismemberment Plan - Change


Spike, Mike, Slackers & Dykes by John Pierson

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