The Mike Frollo Manifesto
Tired of all those fucking scene kids? I know I am. They're all over the fucking place. And he problem is this: they're ruining the image of teenage counter-culture. This is not who we are. This may be an answer for some of us, but not all. Some of us don't listen to emo. Some of us don't shop at Hot Topic. But this is what the nation sees when it looks at its teenagers now. And, as a result, the mainstream has tapped into what they think is a viable way to communicate with us young people. Our major celebrities are dressing dirrrty. You can buy a faux-vintage t-shirt for 78 bucks. Or, you could get one at Sears for 18. Suddenly Jimmy Eat World or My Chemical Romance is speaking the language of our generation. Well, in that case, I must be German or something, because I don't speak that language. And this is for the rest of us who don't speak it either.
I'm creating my own scene. There are rules for every scene, and for most they are unwritten. But I want complete clarity of my vision. If you agree with what I set forth here, come join me. We'll show those Ridgewood kids where to stick it. So, without further ado, here it is in all its glory:
The Mike Frollo Manifesto:
Music:
1. No emo is allowed, except for Weezer. Weezer is greatness.
2. Only old school punk is allowed. You may listen to The Clash and The Ramones as much as you want, but Green Day is right out, no matter how much you liked
Dookie.
3. Everyone must openly acknowledge that the like The Beatles, and have at least one of their albums.
The Beatles 1 does not count.
4. You must be able to tell what is Indie and what is not Indie. Any confusion with Alternative or whiny sad bastard music will not be tolerated.
5. 70's Springsteen is OK. Anything later than that, with the notable exception of his
Nebraska album, is off limits.
Clothing:
1. Partial black is allowed, but anyone wearing all black will get an ear toss.
2. The Mike Frollo scene openly embraces funny vintage t-shirts, as long as they are actually funny.
3. Mike Frollo scenesters must not wear shirts, jackets, or anything else bearing clothing company logos, such as can be found in Abercrombie & Fitch, Hollister, and Old Navy. Scenesters are encouraged to shop at the Gap, which has a far lower frequency of advert-covered garments, instead.
4. Hot Topic is ok, when worn in moderation. Scenesters should avoid cliche t-shirts from that store.
5. Wearing a polo shirt does not make you a preppie. Having its collar up does.
6. Black Converse shoes are NOT ALLOWED.
Television:
1. You must have heard of Arrested Development, seen it and liked it, if not watch it religiously.
2. You are requied to stay home one Friday and Saturday night a month to watch channels 21 and 8 (PBS), respectively, to catch the Britcoms.
3. Quoting Seinfeld is encouraged, as long as you can keep the Kramerisms to a minimum.
4. Scenesters are required to have seen at least one full episode of Monty Python's Flying Circus. Quoting, however, is shyed away from, especially the Spanish Inquisition sketch, the Parrot sketch, and the Spam sketch.
5. The Kids In the Hall. Know them, Love them.
Movies:
1. If you haven't seen the following movies, don't even think about it (this list may be altered or added to at any time, so keep on your toes):
Duck Soup
Annie Hall
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Pulp Fiction
Trainspotting
The Blues Brothers
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
Star Wars
High Fidelity
The Royal Tenenbaums
2. You must acknowledge that Fight Club, though a great, great movie, is way too popular with scene kids to be included in the Mike Frollo Scene.
3. You must be able to indulge a little in the anal tendencies of the movie buff who is running your scene.
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M. "Awesome" at 1:29 AM
