Celebrity Moustache Extravaganza!
Yeah, I didn't post last night because as soon as I got on my computer at about Seven P.M., I went to lay down and fell asleep till Ten. So there. If you don't like it, screw you. So, today, I bring you moustaches.
Lots of moustaches.
Today I decided that you need to know what constitutes a good or bad moustache. THere is a simple system to judge this. I call it the Selleck Rating System, or SRS, named, of course, after the golden standard of moustachioed men, Tom Selleck.
Just look at that. That's a prime cut of 'stache f I ever saw one. The facial hair on display will be awarded anywhere from one to four Sellecks:
One Selleck is the worst, and four Sellecks the best. So let's get cracking!
Today: The Celebrity Edition
Geraldo Rivera
This is very similar in shape to the Selleck's, but it just has a sort of skeevy edge to it:
Verdict:
Groucho Marx
A classic moustache. I have to dock a half a point, though, because it's made out of greasepaint.
Verdict:
Freddie Mercury
You know, I'm really torn on this one. I'm gonna perform the age-old test of looking at this guy without a stache:
Yeesh. Mercury's jaw structure really hurts him on this one. I don't know. I'll give him an extra half a point because he died of AIDS.
Verdict:
Charlie Chaplin
Ehh. He gets extra points because he's a comedic genius, but really not that great.
Verdict:
Borat
What can I say? Freakin' Awesome. Really, really great.
Verdict:
Daniel Day-Lewis (a.k.a. Bill the Butcher)
Again, a really great moustache all around. I'd like to think he grew it himself, but he probably didn't.
Verdict:
John Waters
No. No, no, no. Very bad. It looks like someone played a trick on him or something while he was sleeping.
Verdict:
No moustache for you!
Well, that's it for this installment of Moustache Rides. Did I miss any of your favorite moustaches? Tell me and maybe they'll get rated, too. In the future I'll be rating non-celebrities, and maybe I'll even expand into beards. Until then, go away.
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M. "Awesome" at 3:26 PM
